Love doesn't have to be shared to be eternal...
I have never understood why some women picked me. Never. Even now it is a great wonder. Experience didn't make me wiser and didn't bring any answer to old questions. It just made me realize i should stop asking them...
There are moments when i truly think there is no real feeling left inside of me. That i've drained them all. That's why i hang on memories. That's why i write all these stories...
Reality is better than fantasy i wrote once to someone. A bit later she screamed at me in anger that i was a liar. Knowing how much i've hurt her i've been immediately put to the ground, burdened by guilt and remorse. But i still couldn't feel as a liar. Cause i've been lingering in fantasy my whole life, but i've never been as happy as when it was all real...
Some kids were knocking on doors asking for "something". When i got out of my house, one of them asked me too. I've pretended i didn't understand, then taking advantage of the fact that my neighbor answered his door i left. I still can't say what kind of stingy feeling stopped me from giving them "something". Especially as i had plenty. Couldn't look into my own eyes ever since...
I fear dying. I fear the mere thought of not being. Still have so many things to do. Still have to find my way, my place, my self...
The doctor said i have a calm heart. That's what his machine said. A series of abrupt waves drawn with ink by a mechanical needle contradict my life-long knowledge that i have a restless heart. While he explained to me that it might be because i am running, and even a reason for being able to run so much, he implies that it would be better if i would check in for a 24 hours survey on my heart rate. Just in case he says... I might die in my sleep, i add...
Wow, you're quite smart they say. And that's not flattering. Because soon after such statement they get scared, they get bored and they leave. They always leave....
I sometimes get a glimpse of what my life could be. Usually long enough to decide that i would like it, that i would be happy. Then, when the wormhole closes back, it's only that voice saying: well, that ain't gonna happen...
I have never understood why some women picked me. Never. Even now it is a great wonder. Experience didn't make me wiser and didn't bring any answer to old questions. It just made me realize i should stop asking them...
There are moments when i truly think there is no real feeling left inside of me. That i've drained them all. That's why i hang on memories. That's why i write all these stories...
Reality is better than fantasy i wrote once to someone. A bit later she screamed at me in anger that i was a liar. Knowing how much i've hurt her i've been immediately put to the ground, burdened by guilt and remorse. But i still couldn't feel as a liar. Cause i've been lingering in fantasy my whole life, but i've never been as happy as when it was all real...
Some kids were knocking on doors asking for "something". When i got out of my house, one of them asked me too. I've pretended i didn't understand, then taking advantage of the fact that my neighbor answered his door i left. I still can't say what kind of stingy feeling stopped me from giving them "something". Especially as i had plenty. Couldn't look into my own eyes ever since...
I fear dying. I fear the mere thought of not being. Still have so many things to do. Still have to find my way, my place, my self...
The doctor said i have a calm heart. That's what his machine said. A series of abrupt waves drawn with ink by a mechanical needle contradict my life-long knowledge that i have a restless heart. While he explained to me that it might be because i am running, and even a reason for being able to run so much, he implies that it would be better if i would check in for a 24 hours survey on my heart rate. Just in case he says... I might die in my sleep, i add...
Wow, you're quite smart they say. And that's not flattering. Because soon after such statement they get scared, they get bored and they leave. They always leave....
I sometimes get a glimpse of what my life could be. Usually long enough to decide that i would like it, that i would be happy. Then, when the wormhole closes back, it's only that voice saying: well, that ain't gonna happen...
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