I don't want to die... And i don't want to get old. Being old it's a path of decay that leads to death. Old and death are related terms. They somehow generate each-other. If you are to live forever you can only be young forever...
I have a weak heart. "Lazy" seems to be the medical term. When i'm at rest, my heart beats are so low they are barely noticeable. One doctor told me it's probably because i picked up running, but i don't run nearly as much and as often that my heart would change habits (which is what happens with marathon runners). Other told me that since my heart is weak i should drop running because it might give me a heart attack. Or buy a heart rate monitor and watch its activity carefully. Basically, one of the few physical activities that i do and that make me feel good could kill me.
Isn't that the case with everything that makes you happy?
In London, whenever the sun makes an appearance i go running in a park-forest nearby my place. To get there i need to pass through a street in between the cemetery and the crematory. The "famous" Golder's Green crematory. It's quiet and safe, though the silence and landscape are creepy. I usually make my best time per km when i go towards the park (and coming back) even though i am running up hill. I am not comfortable in the presence of death reminding tokens. Holes that swallow rotting corpses on one side, holes throwing fire that turn one body into a fist of ashes on the other... Yesterday i even saw a mortuary car taking a body to be cremated. A few people went in with the deceased. The majority of the old people who attended the service was discussing in front of the church, a bit further away. It was like they have just witnessed a social event. It seemed routine to them. A thing you just do... Made me think a lot...
To be so accustomed and used to death to not actually notice its presence...
I wondered how many people would come if i died and i realized that most likely none: when there are no people celebrating your birthday there is a very small chance that anyone will notice you're gone.
If you were not worth of company when you were alive, you're not worth of company when you're dead either...
If you left no mark on anyone's life or viceversa, there is no one to remember you... I think it's one of the main reasons people start up families and, especially, have kids. You will leave a mark at least on someone's life, enough to ensure that they will remember you.
From this perspective being alone means you're already dead. On the street you're a face that no one notices. Just another member of the crowd. In the grave or in the urn, you're just a name among other names. Lost in the large quantity of no-more's.
It's sad. And wrong. That's why i don't wanna die. I can't die. There are still so many things to do, discover, accomplish. So many things i need to see, people i haven't yet met, a life a haven't yet built. If i die, there is really no point in anything. Absolutely none.
If life has a sense or a meaning, if there is a God, i will live forever...
I have a weak heart. "Lazy" seems to be the medical term. When i'm at rest, my heart beats are so low they are barely noticeable. One doctor told me it's probably because i picked up running, but i don't run nearly as much and as often that my heart would change habits (which is what happens with marathon runners). Other told me that since my heart is weak i should drop running because it might give me a heart attack. Or buy a heart rate monitor and watch its activity carefully. Basically, one of the few physical activities that i do and that make me feel good could kill me.
Isn't that the case with everything that makes you happy?
In London, whenever the sun makes an appearance i go running in a park-forest nearby my place. To get there i need to pass through a street in between the cemetery and the crematory. The "famous" Golder's Green crematory. It's quiet and safe, though the silence and landscape are creepy. I usually make my best time per km when i go towards the park (and coming back) even though i am running up hill. I am not comfortable in the presence of death reminding tokens. Holes that swallow rotting corpses on one side, holes throwing fire that turn one body into a fist of ashes on the other... Yesterday i even saw a mortuary car taking a body to be cremated. A few people went in with the deceased. The majority of the old people who attended the service was discussing in front of the church, a bit further away. It was like they have just witnessed a social event. It seemed routine to them. A thing you just do... Made me think a lot...
To be so accustomed and used to death to not actually notice its presence...
I wondered how many people would come if i died and i realized that most likely none: when there are no people celebrating your birthday there is a very small chance that anyone will notice you're gone.
If you were not worth of company when you were alive, you're not worth of company when you're dead either...
If you left no mark on anyone's life or viceversa, there is no one to remember you... I think it's one of the main reasons people start up families and, especially, have kids. You will leave a mark at least on someone's life, enough to ensure that they will remember you.
From this perspective being alone means you're already dead. On the street you're a face that no one notices. Just another member of the crowd. In the grave or in the urn, you're just a name among other names. Lost in the large quantity of no-more's.
It's sad. And wrong. That's why i don't wanna die. I can't die. There are still so many things to do, discover, accomplish. So many things i need to see, people i haven't yet met, a life a haven't yet built. If i die, there is really no point in anything. Absolutely none.
If life has a sense or a meaning, if there is a God, i will live forever...
Niciun comentariu:
Trimiteți un comentariu