What do you say when you're out of words? Or when there's no one there to listen? Or when you reached that point where you're so empty, or you're living in a void, that you just don't feel anything, not even the need to speak?
What do you say when there's nothing else to say? When that awkward silence steps in? When you just don't see the point? When you know you're just repeating yourself? When you know there was no other way?
What do you say when everything's routine? Uninteresting, meaningless? When you know for sure how your 24 hours, your 7 days, your 12 months, your year will look like? When you don't have anywhere to go? Or when you don't want to go anywhere?
When you know your precisely your morning steps: wake up, same hour, no need for alarm anymore, it's in your system, make the bed, go to bathroom, start brushing teeth, go to kitchen, start boiling water for coffee, prepare the mug, keep on brushing, prepare the sandwiches, take out the milk, water boiled, coffee ready, reach for cereals, finish brushing, return to bathroom, spit, wash your face, pee, flush, wash your hands, on the way to the kitchen start laptop, bring breakfast, start some tv show, eat sandwiches, eat cereals, drink coffee, wash dishes while you wait for the bowel movement, go to toilet, get dressed, get to the car, 6 min, never more, two stop lights, maybe 3 when too much traffic, get to work...
When there's no mess around and when mess around brings up even more mess in the brain, pisses you off, laziness, carelessness, not giving a fuck, what do you say then? What do you say in those moments when you're just happy they're gone? Or in those when you wish you could see them one more time, at least to remember exactly how they looked like, how they were like?
When messed up people, people like you, or worse, or unable to deal with their own reality, running away from responsibilities, tell you to get a grip of yourself, to move on, to be happy/er, to say nice or better words, and you can't find them cause there's no such source inside yourself, what do you say?
When you know there is no real receiver in front of you, what do you say? Why would you say? When you're in a relationship and you feel estranged, when you see the other doesn't really talk, or doesn't really listen, and you know, you KNOW, your relationship is dead already, what can you say?
When you know that nothing matters, neither your job, neither your degrees, neither your principles, your education, nor whatever else you might think is of value, what can you say? When you know you don't matter, neither for your, nor for anybody else, and especially not for those you wish you would?
When you're unable to mime the existence of the others, although you might get their reasons, or even remember how it was to be like them, when all you have from your past are a few photos, some shinny stuff, a t-shirt you decided not to wash, a book, a note, a letter, an sms, or simply a memory, or a regret, what can you say?
When you know the past is gone and will never come back, when you don't know whether there is really a future, but just a projection of your own desires, and the present is just a postponement, a delay, a deep silence, or a terrible inner noise, why, why on Earth would you say anything?
Just stay still, close your eyes, and keep quiet! Keep quiet for good. It will all be over anytime now...
What do you say when there's nothing else to say? When that awkward silence steps in? When you just don't see the point? When you know you're just repeating yourself? When you know there was no other way?
What do you say when everything's routine? Uninteresting, meaningless? When you know for sure how your 24 hours, your 7 days, your 12 months, your year will look like? When you don't have anywhere to go? Or when you don't want to go anywhere?
When you know your precisely your morning steps: wake up, same hour, no need for alarm anymore, it's in your system, make the bed, go to bathroom, start brushing teeth, go to kitchen, start boiling water for coffee, prepare the mug, keep on brushing, prepare the sandwiches, take out the milk, water boiled, coffee ready, reach for cereals, finish brushing, return to bathroom, spit, wash your face, pee, flush, wash your hands, on the way to the kitchen start laptop, bring breakfast, start some tv show, eat sandwiches, eat cereals, drink coffee, wash dishes while you wait for the bowel movement, go to toilet, get dressed, get to the car, 6 min, never more, two stop lights, maybe 3 when too much traffic, get to work...
When there's no mess around and when mess around brings up even more mess in the brain, pisses you off, laziness, carelessness, not giving a fuck, what do you say then? What do you say in those moments when you're just happy they're gone? Or in those when you wish you could see them one more time, at least to remember exactly how they looked like, how they were like?
When messed up people, people like you, or worse, or unable to deal with their own reality, running away from responsibilities, tell you to get a grip of yourself, to move on, to be happy/er, to say nice or better words, and you can't find them cause there's no such source inside yourself, what do you say?
When you know there is no real receiver in front of you, what do you say? Why would you say? When you're in a relationship and you feel estranged, when you see the other doesn't really talk, or doesn't really listen, and you know, you KNOW, your relationship is dead already, what can you say?
When you know that nothing matters, neither your job, neither your degrees, neither your principles, your education, nor whatever else you might think is of value, what can you say? When you know you don't matter, neither for your, nor for anybody else, and especially not for those you wish you would?
When you're unable to mime the existence of the others, although you might get their reasons, or even remember how it was to be like them, when all you have from your past are a few photos, some shinny stuff, a t-shirt you decided not to wash, a book, a note, a letter, an sms, or simply a memory, or a regret, what can you say?
When you know the past is gone and will never come back, when you don't know whether there is really a future, but just a projection of your own desires, and the present is just a postponement, a delay, a deep silence, or a terrible inner noise, why, why on Earth would you say anything?
Just stay still, close your eyes, and keep quiet! Keep quiet for good. It will all be over anytime now...
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